TWC Today Forums
Other => The Game Room => Topic started by: Mike M on July 25, 2008, 12:41:56 PM
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Just like the old game at TWCC, make fake NWS messages here. Here's an example"
[warning tone]
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MOUNT HOLLY, NJ HAS ISSUED A CLOUD WARNING. BE ON A LOOKOUT FOR THIS CLOUD, AS IT MAY ENLARGE WITHIN THE NEXT FEW HOURS.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MOUNT HOLLY, NJ HAS ISSUED A VICTOR WARNING. BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR VIC, AS HE MAY TERRIFY YOU AND DRIVE YOU NUTS. HE IS FAST APPROACING AT 60 MPH.
Yeah i know not the best. :P
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MOUNT HOLLY, NJ HAS ISSUED A ROLAND WARNING. BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR ROLAND, AS HE MAY GO TO SCRANTON, PA TO WORK FOR WNEP-TV. HE IS FAST APPROACING AT 90 MPH.
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This is fun!
(Alert tone)
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN CHICAGO/ROMEOVILLE HAS ISSUED A YOUTUBE WARNING! AVOID THIS WEBSITE,OR YOU WILL GET CRAZY!
Not the best,but good.
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This is fun!
(Alert tone)
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN CHICAGO/ROMEOVILLE HAS ISSUED A YOUTUBE WARNING! AVOID THIS WEBSITE,OR YOU WILL GET CRAZY!
Not the best,but good.
That was excellent ilovetwc!
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This is fun!
(Alert tone)
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN CHICAGO/ROMEOVILLE HAS ISSUED A YOUTUBE WARNING! AVOID THIS WEBSITE,OR YOU WILL GET CRAZY!
Not the best,but good.
That was excellent ilovetwc!
Thank you. :D
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN ATLANTA HAS ISSUED AN IDIOT WARNING FOR TWC TODAY. WATCH OUT FOR IDIOTS OR YOU'LL DIE IN THREE DAYS
:P
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This is fun!
(Alert tone)
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN CHICAGO/ROMEOVILLE HAS ISSUED A YOUTUBE WARNING! AVOID THIS WEBSITE,OR YOU WILL GET CRAZY!
Not the best,but good.
The best one yet
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My other one:
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICEN IN BOSTON, MA HAS ISSUED A BBC ONE WARNING UNTIL 6:15 PM ET. IGNORE THE TV, OR YOU WILL BE WATCHING TV FROM THE UNITED KINGDOM.
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(Alert Tone)
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN CHICAGO/ROMEOVILLE HAS ISSUED A COMPUTER SLOWNESS WARNING. PLEASE GET OFF THE SLOW COMPUTER,OR YOU WILL GET INCREDIBLY MAD,DESTROY YOUR COMPUTER AND WISH YOU NEVER SPENT $1000 OF YOUR MONEY ON IT.
I think that's my best one.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MIAMI HAS ISSUED A FAKE LOVE WATCH & WARNING UNTIL 7:00 PM ET TONIGHT. ROLAND & ilovetwc ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. SINCE THIS WATCH & WARNING IS NOT IMPORTANT, GO AHEAD & WATCH WTOC 11 ''THE NEWS'' @ 11:00 ON THE SOUTHEAST NEWS LEADER FROM SAVANNAH, GA
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My best one yet
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MIAMI HAS ISSUED A SLEEP WATCH & WARNING UNTIL 9:00 AM ET TOMORROW. SINCE THIS WATCH & WARNING IS NOT IMPORTANT, GO AHEAD & WATCH WTOC 11 ''THE NEWS'' @ 11:00 ON THE SOUTHEAST NEWS LEADER FROM SAVANNAH, GA & THEN GO TO SLEEP. GOOD NIGHT FROM THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE
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This is the best game EVER!
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MIAMI HAS ISSUED A FAKE LOVE WATCH & WARNING UNTIL 7:00 PM ET TONIGHT. ROLAND & ilovetwc ARE NOT IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER. SINCE THIS WATCH & WARNING IS NOT IMPORTANT, GO AHEAD & WATCH WTOC 11 ''THE NEWS'' @ 11:00 ON THE SOUTHEAST NEWS LEADER FROM SAVANNAH, GA
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My best one yet
Do you have any clue how much younger than you she is? Let's put it this way Roland-I'm not even half your age and I'd be afraid to say something like that, fake or not. :fear:
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That's for my son
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN BOSTON, MA HAS ISSUED A FRIENDS WARNING. I'M FRIENDS WITH GARY, VICTOR, JORGEN (4000 weatherman), BILLY, & MORE. I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS MESSAGE FROM NOAA. NOAA DOSEN'T KNOW WEATHER. THOSE PEOPLE MENTIONED ARE GOOD FRIENDS. GOOD NIGHT FROM NOAA UNLESS SOMEONE MAKES A FRIEND PARTY.
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No one want's to post here anymore?! That's a shame
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN CHICAGO HAS ISSUED A "THE ONLY MEMBER HERE" WARNING UNTIL 11:15-11:30 AM ET TODAY. ROLAND IS THE ONLY MEMBER HERE. WHO'S GONNA PLAY THIS GAME?
5234 3532 3423 3564 3438 3476 3985 3795 4397 3785 3234 4897 5347 7453 5634 5387 6454 7546 4564 7545
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN CHICAGO/ROMEIOVILLE HAS ISSUED A POINTLESS WARNING FOR EVERYONE ON THE TWC TODAY FORUMS. SINCE THIS IS POINTLESS,YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR REGULAR ACTIVITES.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MIAMI HAS ISSUED A WSVN-TV WARNING UNTIL 11 PM ET TONIGHT. WATCH 7 NEWS TONIGHT AT 5, 6, & 10. JUST IN CASE THERE IS FOX SPORTS PROGRAMMING, WATCH 7 NEWS LATE EDITION AT 7 PM ET. 7 NEWS IS #1 IN SOUTH FLORIDA.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN CHICAGO/ROMIOVILLE HAS ISSUEED A RUNNING WARNING. PLEASE DO NOT RUN TO FAST TODAY IN THE GOT SUN,OR YOU MAY GET SWEATY AND SMELLY REAL FAST! NOBODY WILL BE AROUND YOU IF YOU ARE SWEATY AND SMELLY. YOU WILL ALSO GET SUNBURNED. YOU WILL ALSO GET YELLED AT BY YOUR HUSBAND/WIFE. PLEASE,GO BACK TO SLEEP,OR,BE FREEZING COLD LIKE WINTER WITH YOUR AC ON. PLEASE STAY TUNED TO TWC TODAY FOR UPDATES.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MIAMI HAS ISSUED A BAD TV STATIONS WARNING. EVERY STATION IN THE NORTHEAST EXCEPT WNEP, WBZ, WPVI, WCVB, WFXT, WHDH, WLNE, WPRI, WNAC, WJAR, WCBS, WNBC, WNYW, WWOR, WPIX, WPXI, WTAE, WCAU, WTNH, WFSB, & WTIC ARE BAD TV STATIONS. THE STATIONS THAT I MENTIONED ARE GOOD FOR YOU. THE REST ARE BAD TV STATION. DON'T WATCH THE BAD TV STATIONS OR YOU WILL BE KILLED IN 5 SECONDS
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(4000 ALERT TONE)
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN WAKEFIELD HAS ISSUED A DOSWELL WARNING FOR HENRICO COUNTY AS DOSWELL WILL BE MOVING OUT OF HANOVER COUNTY AND MOVING INTO HENRICO COUNTY.
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Eh, why not.
(Alert tone)
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN PLEASANT HILL, HAS ISSUED A ROSEANNE WARNING FOR THE FOLLOWING COUNTIES IN MISSOURI: JACKSON. BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THIS DANGEROUS PERSON. ROSEANNE WAS LAST SEEN IN THE IMMEDIATE DOWNTOWN AREA, DESTROYING BUILDINGS AND BREATHING FIRE. SHE IS MOVING TO THE EAST AT 10 MILES PER HOUR. IF YOU ARE IN THE PATH OF THIS CRAZED LADY, TAKE COVER NOW.
:fire:
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(3000 Alert tone)
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN WASHINGTON, DC HAS ISSUED A CHINESE WARNING FOR THE WHOLE NATION INCLUDING THE U.S. OYMPIC TEAM UNTIL AUGUST 24, 2008. EARLIER THIS EVENING, LOU DOBBS OF CNN COMPLAINED THAT THE CHINESE IS RUINING OUR WORKFORCE. IN ADDITION, CHINA COULD BRING MORE JOBS THAN THE U.S. AND COULD POSSIBLY BEAT OUR COUNTRY'S OYMPIC TEAM. TO HELP IMPROVE THE ODDS OF THE U.S. WINNING MORE AND MORE GOLD METALS, THROW AWAY ANY THING THAT'S CHINIESE MADE. REMEMBER TO BUY AMERICAN! STAY TUNED TO THE WEATHER CHANNEL OR LOG ON TO WWW.WEATHER.COM FOR MORE INFORMATION.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN CHICAGO/ROMIEOVILLE HAS ISSUED A TIRED WARNING. IT'S 1:00 IN THE MORNING,GO BACK TO SLEEP ALREADY! YOU ALREADY GOT YELLED AT BY YOUR WIFE! GO BACK TO SLEEP,THEN GO BACK ON TWC TODAY OTHERWISE WE WILL THINK YOU SLEPT FOR 35 HOURS.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN PITTSBURGH HAS ISSUED AN *ANNOYING ROLAND WARNING, FOR THE FOLLOWING COUNTRIES: *ALL. THIS WARNING IS IN EFFECT UNTIL *ROLAND GROWS UP. AT 11:01 AM ET, THIS STORM WAS LOCATED NEAR THE NWS GAME THREAD AT TWCCLASSICS' FORUMS. EXPECT THIS STORM TO TRAIN OVER THE SAME AREA, AND SWITCH BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN TWCCLASSICS AND TWCTODAY. THIS IS A VERY DANGEROUS STORM. TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY. PLEASE REPORT SMALL HAIL, WIND DAMAGE, STUPIDITY, AND RETARDISM TO THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE BY CALLING TOLL-FREE 1-877-633-6772, WHEN YOU CAN DO SO SAFELY.
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LOL at Tyler. :lol:
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MIAMI HAS ISSUED A GAME ROOM WARNING. I CAN FINALLY POST IN THE GAME ROOM AGAIN, YAY!
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED A SODA WARNING FOR THE WHOLE NATION UNTIL FRIDAY. AT 1:55 AM CDT, TRAINED WEATHER SPOTTER HAD REPORTED RAINING COLA. IT'S UNCLEAR WHEATHER OR NOT IF ITS EATHER COKE, PEPSI, OR RC. THIS HEAVY SODA DOWNPOUR STRETCHES FROM ALL THE WAY FROM SEATLE TO MIAMI. IN THE MIDWEST MEANWHILE, EXPECT TO SEE FLOODED COLA. REMEMBER NOT TO USE ANY ELECTRONICS. ANY LIQLID WILL CONDUCT ELECTRICITY! ALSO, DON'T DRINK THE SODA! IT'S LIKELY DIRTY ALREADY. TO REPORT SODA-RELATED FLOOD DAMAGE, CALL 1-800-555-NOAA.
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<wxstar3000 warning tone>
BULLETIN - IMMEDIATE BROADCAST REQUESTED
UNEMPLOYMENT WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DETROIT/PONTIAC MI
THU OCT 2 2008 916 PM EDT
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED A UNEMPLOYMENT WARNING EFFECTIVE UNTIL FURTHER
NOTICE FOR ALL OF SOUTHEAST MICHIGAN
UNEMPLOYMENT RATES CONTINUE TO RISE ACROSS SOUTHEAST MICHIGAN AT THIS TIME
UNEMPLOYMENT RATES ARE STILL FORECAST TO RISE. POSSIBLY ABOVE RECORD LEVELS.
IF YOU LIVE IN THE SOUTHEASTERN REGION OF MICHIGAN PLEASE MOVE TO A DIFFERENT REGION OF
MICHIGAN OR TO ANOTHER STATE.
OTHERWISE PREPARE IMMEDIATELY FOR LOWER PAY, JOB LAYOFFS, AND COMPLETE LOSS OF MANY
JOBS IN SOUTHEAST MICHIGAN. YOUR JOB MAY BE NEXT!
$$
WEATHERSTAR3000FAN
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FULL FORCE NATURE EPISODE WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE MOUNT HOLLY NJ
330 PM EST MON JAN 26 2009
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MOUNT HOLLY, NJ HAS ISSUED A
* FULL FORCE NATURE EPISODE WARNING FOR
* COMCAST CABLE COMMUNICATIONS CHANNEL 57
* UNTIL 400 PM EST
* AT 330 PM EST, NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR HAS DETECTED A FULL FORCE NATURE EPISODE ON A 12-YEAR OLD BOY WHO GOT STRUCK BY LIGHTNING. THE SAFEST PLACE TO BE DURING A FULL FORCE NATURE EPISODE WARNING IS AWAY FROM YOUR TELEVISION. DO NOT LOOK OR LISTEN TO YOUR TELEVISION DURING THIS EPISODE, AS YOU COULD GET FULL FORCE-ITIS. STAY TUNED TO NOAA WEATHER RADIO, YOUR LOCAL RADIO OR TELEVISION STATIONS, OR YOUR CABLE TELEVISION OUTLET FOR FURTHER UPDATES.
LAT... LON... CHANNEL 57
$$
/FORECASTER MIKE
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PINK RADAR WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE LOUISVILLE KY
316 PM EST TUE JAN 27 2009
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN LOUISVILLE, KY HAS ISSUED A
* PINK RADAR WARNING FOR
* CORNER RADAR OF FPB CHANNEL 19, MAIN RADAR OF CHANNEL 19, LOCAL RADAR SEGMENT ON CHANNEL 19, REGIONAL DOPPLER OF CHANNEL 32, AND LOCAL DOPPLER OF CHANNEL 32
* UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE
* AT 316 PM EST, NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR HAS TURNED PINK BECAUSE OF ALL THE FREEZING RAIN. THE SAFEST PLACE TO BE DURING A PINK RADAR WARNING IS IN FRONT OF YOUR TELEVISION. LOOK AT THE PINK RADAR ON YOUR TELEVISION DURING THIS PERIOD OF TIME, AS YOU COULD GET MYSTIFIED BY SUCH A COLOR. STAY TUNED TO NOAA WEATHER RADIO, YOUR LOCAL RADIO OR TELEVISION STATIONS, OR YOUR CABLE TELEVISION OUTLET FOR FURTHER UPDATES.
LAT... LON... CHANNEL 19 CHANNEL 32
$$
EH
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN SPRINGFIELD HAS ISSUED A ZANEX ALERT FOR THESE WARNING MESSAGES. SERIOUSLY, WHY ARE THESE ALWAYS CAPITALIZED?!
WE NEED TO GET A MECHANISM THAT LETS US POST WARNINGS IN MIXED CASE. :P
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN UPTON, NY HAS ISSUED AN ANNOYING YOUTUBE USER ADVISORY FOR FOR ALL TWC FANS ON YOUTUBE FROM FEBRUARY 3RD, 2009 TO FURTHER NOTICE. THIS STORM WAS RECENTLY LOCATED ON MY CHANNEL SENDING ANNOYING MESSAGES TO ME. THE YOUTUBE USER'S USERNAME IS nomoretrolling15B...BE ON A LOOKOUT FOR THIS SLIGHTLY DANGEROUS PERSON, THIS IS ALREADY HIS THIRD ACCOUNT ON YOUTUBE, HE CLOSED HIS OTHER TWO DUE TO PEOPLE MAKING HIM ANGRY, HIS FIRST ACCOUNT WAS exa121, HIS SECOND WAS exa121REVIVED. THIS YOUTUBE USER DOES NOT MEET THE WARNING CRITERIA AS HE IS JUST MINOR TO AT TIMES MODERATE THREAT TO US...STAY TUNED TO THE LIGHTNING86 TWC TODAY USER FOR ANY LATER UPDATES AND FORECASTS FROM THIS STORM. AN ANNOYING YOUTUBE USER ADVISORY MEANS THAT ANNOYING ACTS FROM A CERTAIN YOUTUBE USER IS CAUSING MINOR HEADACHES TO ANNOY OTHER PEOPLE. TO REPORT ANY ANNOYANCE, BRAIN DAMAGE, OR STUPIDITY THAT YOU MAY NOT CARE ABOUT, CALL NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TOLL FREE NUMBER, 1-877-633-6772.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN UPTON, NY HAS ISSUED AN ANNOYING YOUTUBE USER ADVISORY FOR FOR ALL TWC FANS ON YOUTUBE FROM FEBRUARY 3RD, 2009 TO FURTHER NOTICE. THIS STORM WAS RECENTLY LOCATED ON MY CHANNEL SENDING ANNOYING MESSAGES TO ME. THE YOUTUBE USER'S USERNAME IS nomoretrolling15B...BE ON A LOOKOUT FOR THIS SLIGHTLY DANGEROUS PERSON, THIS IS ALREADY HIS THIRD ACCOUNT ON YOUTUBE, HE CLOSED HIS OTHER TWO DUE TO PEOPLE MAKING HIM ANGRY, HIS FIRST ACCOUNT WAS exa121, HIS SECOND WAS exa121REVIVED. THIS YOUTUBE USER DOES NOT MEET THE WARNING CRITERIA AS HE IS JUST MINOR TO AT TIMES MODERATE THREAT TO US...STAY TUNED TO THE LIGHTNING86 TWC TODAY USER FOR ANY LATER UPDATES AND FORECASTS FROM THIS STORM. AN ANNOYING YOUTUBE USER ADVISORY MEANS THAT ANNOYING ACTS FROM A CERTAIN YOUTUBE USER IS CAUSING MINOR HEADACHES TO ANNOY OTHER PEOPLE. TO REPORT ANY ANNOYANCE, BRAIN DAMAGE, OR STUPIDITY THAT YOU MAY NOT CARE ABOUT, CALL NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TOLL FREE NUMBER, 1-877-633-6772.
LOL, good one Joseph! :rofl2: :lol:
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN OMAHA/VALLEY NE HAS ISSUED A NO WEATHER WARNING FOR ALL COUNTIES IN EASTERN NEBRASKA AND SOUTHWEST IOWA. AT 3:12PM CST, NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR CONTINUED TO INDICATE NO WEATHER GOING ON IN THE AREA. THE NO WEATHER EVENT IS EXPECTED TO BE NEAR:
ALL LOCATIONS ALL DAY FRIDAY
PEOPLE IN THE WARNED AREA SHOULD QUIT LISTENING TO THIS NOAA WEATHER RADIO STATION OR QUIT READING THIS STATEMENT BECAUSE THERE IS NO POINT. UPDATES TO THE SITUATION WILL BE ISSUED EVERY 30 SECONDS UNTIL THIS BORING STRETCH OF NO WEATHER COMES TO AN END.
RUHGSTER
$$
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ZONE FORECAST
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE OMAHA/VALLEY NE
319PM CST 05 FEB 2009
NO-WEATHER WARNING CONTINUES
.TONIGHT...DARK EXPECTED, OTHERWISE BORING. LOW AROUND 30.
.TOMORROW...CONTINUED BORING, HIGH AROUND 56.
.TOMORROW NIGHT THROUGH SATURDAY NIGHT..SAME CRAP, DIFFERENT DAYS.
.SUNDAY...HOPEFULLY THUNDERSTORMS, OTHERWISE NOTHING.
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For as long as this game has been running, I'm surprised that no one has mentioned that the NWS itself has even played this game! I'm going to give them some well overdue credit now. ;) The following was actually made by the NWS in Kansas City, MO and released to the public on December 17, 2003:
150
WWUS73 KEAX 171659
NPWEAX
URGENT - WEATHER MESSAGE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE KANSAS CITY-PLEASANT HILL MO
1055 AM CST WED DEC 17 2003
...TEST...TEST...TEST...
.UNUSUALLY HOT WEATHER HAS ENTERED THE REGION FOR DECEMBER...AS THE
EARTH HAS LEFT ITS ORBIT AND IS HURLING TOWARD THE SUN.
MOZ012-021-172251-
ANDREW MO-CLINTON MO-
1055 AM CST WED DEC 17 2003
...EXCESSIVE HEAT WATCH IN EFFECT FROM THIS AFTERNOON TO LATE
TONIGHT...
UNUSUALLY HOT WEATHER WILL OCCUR FOR AT LEAST THE NEXT SEVERAL DAYS
AS THE EARTH DRAWS EVER NEARER TO THE SUN. THEREFORE...AN EXCESSIVE
HEAT WATCH HAS BEEN POSTED.
STAY TUNED TO NOAA WEATHER RADIO AND OTHER LOCAL MEDIA FOR FURTHER
DETAILS OR UPDATES.
$$
HEINLEIN
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ZONE FORECAST
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE LOS ANGELES CA
1145AM PST 21 FEB 2009
* CONFUSING LOCAL FORECAST UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE *
TODAY...CLEAR.
TONIGHT...CLEAR.
SUNDAY...CLEAR.
TEMPERATURE / PRECIPITATION LOS ANGELES CIVIC CNTR 50 39 53 39 / 0 0 0 0 / LOS ANGELES AIRPORT / 49 34 48 36 / 0 0 0 0 / LONG BEACH 52 37 52 35 / 0 0 0 0 MALIBU HILLS 53 43 54 43 / 0 0 0 0 WOODLAND HILLS 54 36 55 35 / 0 0 0 0 BURBANK 55 47 56 38 / 0 0 0 0 NEWHALL 54 35 51 40 / 0 0 0 0 PASADENA 55 46 55 44 / 0 0 0 0 OJAI 45 54 45 56 / 0 0 0 0 THOUSAND OAKS 54 44 52 41 / 0 0 0 0
EXTENDED FORECAST...SOUTHREN CALIFORINA
SERIOUSLY, WHY CAN'T WE JUST STICK WITH THE REGULAR LOCAL FORECAST MESSAGES LIKE WHAT THE REST OF THE U.S. WOULD DO...
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((Weatherstar 4000 Warning tone sounds))
BULLETIN - IMMEDIATE BROADCAST REQUESTED
TUNNEL WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE GRAND RAPIDS MI
SAT MAR 7 2009 413 PM EDT
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED A TUNNEL WARNING EFFECTIVE UNTIL FURTHER
NOTICE FOR ALL OF GRAND CENTRAL MICHIGAN
TUNNELS ARE EXPANDING ALL OVER GRAND CENTRAL MICHIGAN LIKE THE CRAPPY ROADS.
IF YOU LIVE IN THE GRAND CENTRAL REGION OF MICHIGAN PLEASE MOVE TO A DIFFERENT REGION OF
MICHIGAN OR TO ANOTHER STATE.
$$
CURTJR4 TWCT
CURTJR4 TWCC
CURTJR4 TAIG.
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Oooh, let me try...
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN EL CENTRO CA HAS ISSUED A KITTY CAT WARNING FOR IMPERIAL COUNTY. THIS WARNING EXPIRES AT 7:00 AM WHEN ALL KITTY CATS STOP DESTROYING LAWNS, PROPERTY, DUMPING TRASH CANS, ETCETERA ETCETERA. OH AND NOT TO MENTION LOUD ANNOYING MEOWING. THIS WARNING WILL BE POSTED EVERY NIGHT IN THE NEXT THREE WEEKS OR UNTIL EVERY KITTY CAT IS RESCUED OR RETURNED TO THEIR RIGHTFUL OWNERS. THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED A PART DEAD/PART ALIVE REDBUD TREE WARNING FOR A CORNER OF MY BACKYARD. THE TREE WAS ALMOST HALF-DESTROYED IN THE ICE STORM OF LATE JANUARY. THE REMAINING DEAD PARTS WILL BE REMOVED VIA CHAINSAW VIA MY DAD. THIS IS AN EMERGENCY SITUATION FOR THE APPEARANCE OF MY BACKYARD. THIS WARNING IS IN EFFECT UNTIL WHENEVER MY DAD CAN FIND THE TIME TO PICK UP A CHAINSAW AND SAW OFF A LIMB OR TWO...WHICH WILL LIKELY BE NEXT YEAR.
~~
CRAMER
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED A COCKROACH WARNING FOR A 1/99 PART OF THE IMPERIAL COUNTY, THIS INCLUDES ANISTORM/IHEARTSTEPHANIEABRAMS' HOUSE. THE HOUSE IS FULL OF HIDDEN COCKROACHES THAT COME OUT AFTER 7 PM AND GO BACK INTO HIDING AT 7 AM. COCKROACHES CAN EASILY BE ELIMINATED, BY GETTING A SHOE AND KILL IT, OR IF YOU ARE AFRAID OF COCKROACHES, YOU CAN CALL ANISTORM/IHEARTSTEPHANIEABRAMS AND SHE'LL COME BY AND KILL IT FOR YOU. NOT RECOMMENDABLE TO CALL AN EXTERMINATOR. AS MENTIONED, THESE COCKROACHES CAN BE EASILY TERMINATED. THIS WARNING IS IN EFFECT UNTIL COCKROACH SEASON IS OVER (IDK WHEN). THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.
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PUBLIC INFORMATION STATEMENT
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE
352 PM CDT FRI MAR 27 2009
...THE PART DEAD/PART ALIVE TREE WARNING CONTINUES FOR THE CORNER OF MY BACKYARD...
IT HAS BEEN DECIDED MORE INFORMATION MUST BE PROVIDED ON THE TREE THAT WAS PARTIALLY DESTROYED IN THE PREVIOUS ICE STORM.
IT IS 46 YEARS OLD. IT IS A STRIKINGLY BEAUTIFUL REDBUD TREE THAT WAS DAMAGED IN THE ICE STORM OF LATE JANUARY AND EARLY FEBRUARY. A PICTURE OF THE TREE BEFORE THE SEEMINGLY RANDOM LIMB COLLAPSES IS AVAILABLE HERE (http://www.flickr.com/photos/7oa/3234228374/#in/set-72157613043534455/). A PICTURE AFTER THE COLLAPSE IS HERE (http://www.flickr.com/photos/7oa/3233620663/#in/set-72157613043534455/).
THIS WARNING WILL EXPIRE TOMORROW AT 10:00 PM.
*~
CRAMER
*~
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A JUST-UNPREGNANT KITTY WARNING IS IN EFFECT FOR ANA'S DWELLING UNTIL MIDNIGHT CDT TONIGHT.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN MEXICALI, MEXICO HAS ISSUED AN EVIL COUSIN WARNING FOR IMPERIAL COUNTY AND NORTHERN PART OF BAJA MEXICO. ANISTORM/IHEARTSTEPHANIEABRAMS HAS AN EVIL COUSIN NAMED STEPHIE AND SHE IS A HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUT AND IS IN HER 2ND PREGNANCY. STEPHIE IS VERY JEALOUS OF ANISTORM/IHEARTSTEPHANIEABRAMS AND SHE WANTS TO MAKE HER LIFE VERY MISERABLE BY GETTING HER IN TROUBLE FOR THINGS ANISTORM/IHEARTSTEPHANIEABRAMS HAD NOT DONE. THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON FOR THREE YEARS AND THIS WARNING MAY LAST FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND WHATEVER IT WILL LAST FOREVER. THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.
A JUST-UNPREGNANT KITTY WARNING IS IN EFFECT FOR ANA'S DWELLING UNTIL MIDNIGHT CDT TONIGHT.
Hahahahaha very funny Jonny.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN OMAHA/VALLEY NE HAS ISSUED A METEOROLOGISTS TAKE A DAY OFF WARNING FOR TODAY FOR ALL COUNTIES. AT 800 AM, NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE EMPLOYESS DECIDED TO TAKE THE DAY OFF AND GO HOME TODAY BECAUSE ALL PEOPLE DO IS COMPLAIN ABOUT HOW MUCH WE ARE WRONG. TORNADOES ARE EXPECTED IN THE AREA TODAY BUT NO TORNADO WARNINGS WILL BE ISSUED, EVERYONE IS ON YOUR OWN, THEN MAYBE WE WILL BE APPRECIATED MORE. THIS IS YOUR TORNADO WARNING.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN EL CENTRO, CA HAS ISSUED AN UNCONTROLLABLE SNEEZING WARNING FROM ANISTORM/IHEARTSTEPHANIEABRAMS'S HOUSE TO IMPERIAL VALLEY COLLEGE. THIS WARNING IS NOW ISSUED BECAUSE SINCE YESTERDAY ANISTORM/IHEARTSTEPHANIEABRAMS HAD A SNEEZING RECORD OF 20. HEADACHE THUMPS INSIDE, MIND NOT WORKING, SNIFFLING, AND MOSTLY SNEEZING. THE MIKE BETTES COLD WARNING ISSUED YESTERDAY HAS NOW BEEN LIFTED AND THE STEPHANIE ABRAMS ALLERGY WARNING IS NOW IN EFFECT AS WELL. BE CAREFUL WHEN NEAR ANISTORM/IHEARTSTEPHANIEABRAMS, EITHER IN PERSON OR ONLINE, SHE WILL SNEEZE WITHOUT HOLDING IT. THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.
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maybe I should make another one. I want to play more!
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN EL CENTRO CA HAS ISSUED A DUCK WARNING AT THE BUCKLIN PARK DUCK POND. THERE ARE A LARGE AMOUNT OF DUCKS ARRIVING BUCKLIN POND FOR A NEW PLACE TO LIVE. JUST TO TELL YOU THAT THESE DUCKS ARE HARMLESS........UNLESS YOU GET CLOSE TO THEM, THERE IS A 99.99% CHANCE THAT THESE DUCKS WILL BITE YOU. EL CENTRO HAS FINALLY CHANGED IT'S NAME TO DUCK CENTRO DUE TO THE LARGE AMOUNT OF DUCKS. THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN HOUSTON HAS ISSUED A RAIN WARNING. RAIN IS EXPECTED TO FALL DOWN IN YOUR AREA. THE RAINFALL IS DETECTED TO BE FALLING AT HALF AN INCH PER HOUR. THIS MEANS THE DORUGHTS WILL BE GONE. END MESSAGE.
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THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN DUCK CENTRO, CA HAS ISSUED A HEAT WARNING ALL AROUND IMPERIAL COUNTY. HIGHS WILL REACH IN TO THE 100s AND IT WILL BE UNSEASONABLY HOT. THIS MEANS DRINK PLENTY OF WATER, GO SWIMMING, ESCAPE TO THE BEACH, DO ANYTHING THAT COOLS YOU OFF. DO NOT I REPEAT DO NOT COME TO DUCK CENTRO AS THIS HEAT CAN FRY YOU TO DEATH (IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO HEAT). THIS WARNING WILL BE IN EFFECT UNTIL THIS COMING WEDNESDAY AS TEMPERATURES DECREASE TO THE 90S OR EVEN INTO THE 80S. EVEN THOUGH SUMMER IS AROUND THE CORNER, YOU STILL NEED TO COOL OFF. THAT'S ALL FOR NOW.
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SNITCH EMERGENCY
*EAS ACTIVATION REQUESTED
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE BLACKSBURG VA
8:24PM EDT TUE APR 19 2009
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN BLACKSBURG HAS ISSUED A
* SNITCHING EMERGENCY FOR
*FRANKLIN COUNTY IN NORTH CENTRAL KENTUCKY
*THE FOLLOWING COUNTIES IN TENNESSEE:
*CARTER
*UNICOI
*WASHINGTON
*AND THE FOLLOWING COUNTIES IN NORTH CAROLINA
*WATAUGA
*ASHE
*AVERY
*ALEXANDER
*BURKE
*CALDWELL
*CATAWBA
*IREDELL
*LINCOLN
*MECKLENBURG
*UNION
*ANSON
*AND THE FOLLOWING COUNTIES IN SOUTH CAROLINA
*YORK
*CHESTER
*FAIRFIELD
*LANCASTER
*CHESTERFIELD
*KERSHAW
* MARLBORO
*UNTIL 12:00AM EDT DEC 31 2009
AT 8:00PM EDT, LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT IN ASHE COUNTY REPORTED A 28 YEAR OLD GOT OFF THE NUMBER 76 BUS AT THE RENSSEALEAR SPRINGS POLICE DEPARTMENT AND REPORTED SOMEONE RAMMED INTO HIS 2008 TOYOTA PRIUS. THE SUSPECT IS HEADING SOUTH ON HIGHWAY 421 TOWARDS HIGHWAY 321. HE WAS DRIVING A 2007 HYUNDAI i30 WITH DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA LICENSE PLATES. LOCATIONS IMPACTED INCLUDE... RENSSEALEAR SPRINGS, NORTH WILKESBORO, HICKORY, LINCOLNTON, CHARLOTTE, ROAN MOUNTAIN, ROCK HILL, CHESTER, RIDGEWAY, INDIAN LAND, UNIONVILLE, WADESBORO, AND BENNETTSVILLE. IF YOU ARE IN THE PATH OF THIS SUSPECT, PLEASE TAKE SHELTER IN THE LOWEST LEVEL OF YOUR HOME OR IN THE BOOT OF YOUR CAR. THIS IS AN EXTREMELY DANGEROUS SITUATION. PLEASE DIAL THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE OFFICE IN BLACKBURG NEAREST YOU AT 1-877-633-6772. IF THIS CROSSES INTO ALEXANDER COUNTY, YOU MUST REPORT THIS TO THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN GREENVILLE/SPARTANBURG. IF THIS CROSSES INTO CHESTER COUNTY, YOU MUST REPORT THIS TO THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN COLUMBIA. IN ADDITION TO THE DISGUSTING SCHOOLMATE WARNING, AN ADDITIONAL YOUTUBE PRAT ADVISORY HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR THE SAME DURATION OF TIME AS THE SNITCH EMERGENCY.
LAT... LON... RSN CH 321 2234 332 103 3984 445 4033
$*
RW
-
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HAS ISSUED AN EXTENDED SUPPORT WATCH FOR THE FOLLOWING OPPERATING SYSTEMS...
* WINDOWS XP UNTIL 2014
MOST NWS COMPUTERS WILL NOT RUN ON EITHER VISTA OR ON ANY NON-PC SUCH AS MACS OR LINUXES. ONCE WHEN THE EXTENDED SUPPORT PERIOD ENDS, WE MAY BE ENDING UP BACK IN THE STONEAGE.
SIDE EFFECTS FROM THE EXTENDED SUPPORT PERIOD INCLUDES SLOW LOAD SCREENS... BUGS... JUNK FILES... MORE BUGS... AND MORE SLOW LOADING TIMES.
THE FUTURE OF COMPUTERS (AND MAYBE THE WEATHERSTARS) ARE UNCEARTAIN AT THIS TIME.
$$
-
BULLETIN - EAS ACTIVATION REQUESTED
TORNADO WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE WICHITA KS
837 PM CDT WED JUN 11 2008
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN SPRINGFIELD HAS ISSUED A
* SUNSHINE WARNING FOR...
ALL VIDEO GAMERS IN THE COVERAGE AREA OF THE NWS IN SPRINGFIELD.
* UNTIL MONDAY.
* AT 835 AM CDT...NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE METEOROLOGISTS WERE
TRACKING A LARGE AREA OF CLEARING THAT MAY TEMPORARILY BLIND VIDEO
GAMERS WHO SIT PLAYING VIDEO GAMES FOR UPWARDS OF
10 HOURS A DAY.
THIS IS A DANGEROUS SITUATION.
A LIGHT BREEZE AND NO RAIN IS EXPECTED WITH THIS SYSTEM.
SUNSHINE COMING FROM THIS SYSTEM MAY COVER THE ROAD. IN THIS EVENT, A SUNSHINE FLOOD WARNING WILL BE ISSUED FOR YOUR AREA.
$$
CRAMER
-
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN DUCK CENTRO, CA HAS ISSUED A FINAL EXAM WARNING AT IMPERIAL VALLEY COLLEGE. FINAL EXAM WEEK IS NEXT WEEK AND ALL STUDENTS SHOULD BE STUDYING ALL WEEK. THIS WARNING SHOULD EXPIRE UNTIL JUNE 13. THAT IS ALL.
-
BULLETIN - EAS ACTIVATION REQUESTED
TORNADO WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TALLAHASSEE FL
1036 AM CDT SAT SEP 10 2011
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN TALLAHASSEE HAS ISSUED A
* CIRCLE SCRATCH WARNING FOR...
ALL XBOX 360 AND PRECIOUS GAME DISK-THAT-COST-A-LOT-OF-MONEY OWNERS...
* UNTIL EVERYTHING IS DLC, VIRTUAL, DISKS ARE ELIMINATED, OR THE CONSOLE ITSELF IS ELIMINATED.
* AT 1030 AM CDT...NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE METEOROLOGISTS WERE
PLAYING A VIDEO GAME ON THEIR XBOX 360 CONSOLE WHEN ONE
ACCIDENTALLY NUDGED THE CONSOLE. THE DISK INSIDE BEGAN TO SOUND
LIKE A GARBAGE DISPOSAL AND WHEN REMOVED HAD A LARGE SCRATCH ON
ITS SURFACE.
THIS IS A DANGEROUS AND LIFE THREATENING SITUATION.
TO REPORT DISK SCRATCHES, CONTACT YOUR LOCAL NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE OFFICE AT (8 5 0) 9 4 2 8 8 3 3, OR YOU MAY CONTACT THE LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT OFFICES. THEY WILL RELAY YOUR REPORT TO THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE.
$$
-
Sorry if this offended anyone...it was not meant to do so.
EDIT: It obviously DID offend some people, therefore, it has been taken down.
-
I don't know if this was exactly the best product to issue for this time of year...actually, for any part of the year.
-
BULLETIN - EAS ACTIVATION REQUESTED
EXPIRED SAVE BATTERY WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TULSA OK
951 PM CDT FRI SEP 2 2011
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN TULSA HAS ISSUED AN
* EXPIRED SAVE BATTERY WARNING FOR...
WODDFELLOW2'S COPY OF POKéMON GOLD VERSION...
* UNTIL HE CAN REPLACE IT.
$$
-
This looks like fun! Let me try...
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN SPOKANE HAS ISSUED A YAWNING WARNING FOR ALL SLEEPING PEOPLE IN THE CITY OF SPOKANE. THIS IS A SERIOUS SITUATION. IF YOU YAWN, GO BACK TO SLEEP IMMEDIATELY! STAY ON A COMFORTABLE BED AND GET TO SLEEP QUICKLY, PREFERABLY BY EITHER HITTING YOURSELF ON THE HEAD WITH A HAMMER OR BY TAKING UP TO 100 SLEEPING PILLS. STAY ASLEEP UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. THAT IS ALL.
-
BULLETIN - EAS ACTIVATION REQUESTED
POOR FLIGHT WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE EASTERN ND/GRAND FORKS ND
4:32 PM CDT MON OCT 3 2011
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN GRAND FORKS HAS ISSUED AN
*POOR FLIGHT WARNING FOR...
GRAND FORKS COUNTY IN NORTHEAST NORTH DAKOTA...
NELSON COUNTY IN NORTHEAST NORTH DAKOTA...
WALSH COUNTY IN NORTHEAST NORTH DAKOTA...
*UNTIL 10:00 PM CDT
*AT 4:25 PM CDT...NUMEROUS REPORTS OF MODERATE TO STRONG TURBULENCE WERE FILED BY STUDENT PILOTS AT THE GRAND FORKS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. AIRCRAFT HAVE REPORTEDLY DOVE AND RISEN SEVERAL HUNDRED FEET IN A MATTER OF SECONDS...AND SEVERAL SICKNESS BAGS HAVE BEEN OBSERVED BEING DUMPED OUT OF THE AIRCRAFT.
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTION...
CITIZENS ARE URGED TO USE CAUTION WHEN TRAVELLING WITHIN THE AIRSPACE OF THE GRAND FORKS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. IF YOU ARE HIT WITH A SICKNESS BAG OR ITS CONTENTS...OR SEE AIRCRAFT SWINGING UP AND DOWN IN THE AIR...PLEASE REPORT THE INCIDENTS TO THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE...WHICH WILL HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THE MATTER.
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE WILL NO LONGER BE KEEPING TRACK OF THIS MATTER...AND WOULD LIKE TO REMIND ALL CITIZENS THAT IT DOES NOT COUNT FALLING BARF AS PRECIPITATION. PLEASE SCREW YOUR HEADS ON STRAIGHT...STOP FREAKING OUT...AND STOP SPAMMING OUR OFFICE.
$$
SIMMS
It wasn't that bad today, but it just popped into my head and I couldn't let it go. :P
-
BULLETIN - EAS ACTIVATION REQUESTED
POOR FLIGHT WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE EASTERN ND/GRAND FORKS ND
4:32 PM CDT MON OCT 3 2011
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN GRAND FORKS HAS ISSUED AN
*POOR FLIGHT WARNING FOR...
GRAND FORKS COUNTY IN NORTHEAST NORTH DAKOTA...
NELSON COUNTY IN NORTHEAST NORTH DAKOTA...
WALSH COUNTY IN NORTHEAST NORTH DAKOTA...
*UNTIL 10:00 PM CDT
*AT 4:25 PM CDT...NUMEROUS REPORTS OF MODERATE TO STRONG TURBULENCE WERE FILED BY STUDENT PILOTS AT THE GRAND FORKS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. AIRCRAFT HAVE REPORTEDLY DOVE AND RISEN SEVERAL HUNDRED FEET IN A MATTER OF SECONDS...AND SEVERAL SICKNESS BAGS HAVE BEEN OBSERVED BEING DUMPED OUT OF THE AIRCRAFT.
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTION...
CITIZENS ARE URGED TO USE CAUTION WHEN TRAVELLING WITHIN THE AIRSPACE OF THE GRAND FORKS INTERNATIONAL AIRPORT. IF YOU ARE HIT WITH A SICKNESS BAG OR ITS CONTENTS...OR SEE AIRCRAFT SWINGING UP AND DOWN IN THE AIR...PLEASE REPORT THE INCIDENTS TO THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE...WHICH WILL HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THE MATTER.
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE WILL NO LONGER BE KEEPING TRACK OF THIS MATTER...AND WOULD LIKE TO REMIND ALL CITIZENS THAT IT DOES NOT COUNT FALLING BARF AS PRECIPITATION. PLEASE SCREW YOUR HEADS ON STRAIGHT...STOP FREAKING OUT...AND STOP SPAMMING OUR OFFICE.
$$
SIMMS
It wasn't that bad today, but it just popped into my head and I couldn't let it go. :P
Bahahahaha.
BULLETIN - EAS ACTIVATION REQUESTED
WEBSITE MAINTENANCE ALERT
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TALLAHASSEE FL
6:06 PM CDT MON OCT 3 2011
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN TALLAHASSEE HAS ISSUED A
*WEBSITE MAINTENANCE ALERT FOR...
SKYWARNAL.COM
SUBDOMAINS OF SKYWARNAL
...THIS EXCLUDES BLOGS...
*UNTIL 12:00 AM CDT SUNDAY...
*AT 6:06 PM CDT...IT HAS BEEN REPORTED FROM SEVERAL TRAINED STORM SPOTTERS THAT THE SKYWARNAL STORM AND HURRICANE CENTER WEBSITE IS UNDERGOING MAINTENANCE AND WILL BE DOING SO UNTIL SUNDAY MORNING AT 12AM...
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTION...
VISITORS TO THE SKYWARNAL STORM AND HURRICANE CENTER SHOULD EXPECT PROBLEMS ACCESSING THE WEBSITE UNTIL THE EXPIRATION OF THE ALERT. ERRORS AND OTHER ODDITIES MIGHT OCCUR, HOWEVER, WE DO NOT CARE AND WE ARE ADMINISTRATING THE WEBSITE. DON'T CALL US, TWEET US, OR EMAIL US ABOUT THIS AGAIN OR YOU MIGHT GET CHEWED OUT.
$$
MULLEN
-
Boredem called :P
BULLETIC - EAS ACTIVATION REQUIRED
SCHOOL CLOSURE ADVISORY
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE RUSKIN FL
7:36 PM EDT OCT 3 2011
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE HASS ISSUED A
*SUDDEN SCHOOL CLOSURE WARNING FOR...
EASTERN HILLSBOROUGH COUNTY IN WEST CENTRAL FLORIDA...
*UNTIL 3:00 PM EDT
*THIS IS ONLY A TEST IN CASE WEATHER PERMITS SUDDEN CLOSURE OF SCHOOLS AND IS NOT MEANT TO BE REGARDED AS A REAL EMERGENCY... THIS IS ONLY A TEST...
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTION...
IN CASE THIS TYPE OF BULLETIN IS TO BE ACTIVATED IN A REAL EMERGENCY, PLEASE DISMISS STUDENTS FROM SCHOOLS DESIGNATED TO THE PROPER REGION AND DO NOT OPEN INSTITUTIONS UNTIL THE SCHOOL CLOSURE ADVISORY HAS BEEN LIFTED... UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED.
$$
LAND
-
NOUS41 KOKX DDHHMM CCA
PNSOKX
CTZ005>012-NJZ002-004-006-103>108-NYZ067>075-078>081-176>179-312359-
BULLETIN - EAS ACTIVATION REQUESTED
MARIJUANA WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE UPTON NY
422 PM EST WED JAN 4 2012
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN UPTON HAS ISSUED A
* MARIJUANA WARNING FOR...
ALL OF SUFFOLK AND NASSAU COUNTIES
* UNTIL 6 AM EST THU
* AT 353 PM EST...NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE METEOROLOGISTS DISCOVERED
NUMEROUS MARIJUANA FARMS ACROSS LONG ISLAND. SOME ESTIMATES
CONCLUDE THAT THERE COULD BE MILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF MARIJUANA
ACROSS LONG ISLAND.
THIS IS A POTENTIALLY LIFE THREATENING SITUATION.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO SEARCH FOR MARIJUANA FARMS AS FOR THERE ARE MANY PEOPLE
ALREADY DOING SO. SOME REPORTS SAY THAT THESE PEOPLE MAY BE ARMED. BY THE
TIME YOU ARE FINISHED READING THIS MESSAGE, SOME OF THE MARIJUANA WOULD
BE GONE. ATTEMPT TO SMOKE THE MARIJUANA IF YOU COME UPON A FARM.
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTION...
IF YOU SHOULD COME UPON A MARIJUANA FARM, DO NOT CALL THE POLICE NOR THE
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE. TAKE AS MUCH MARIJUANA AS YOU CAN. SMOKE IT ALL
OR SELL IT ALL OR BOTH.
$$
GC
-
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN SPOKANE HAS ISSUED A...
*WORKTIME WARNING FOR...
ONE PERSON WHO HAS A JOB IN THE HOUSEHOLD OF TWCJIM UNTIL 5PM PDT.
AT 805AM PDT... NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE DOPPLER RADAR INDICATED THAT AN INDIVIDUAL INSIDE THE HOUSEHOLD OF TWCJIM WAS CAPABLE OF SLACKING OFF.. AND WAS NOT WORKING AT ALL. THE INDIVIDUAL MUST LOG ON TO THE WORK COMPUTER BY... 825PM PDT.
FOR YOUR PROTECTION... PLEASE LOG ONTO YOUR COMPUTER... OR RISK GETTING YOUR REAR END CANNED.
A WORKTIME WATCH REMAINS IN EFFECT FOR THE WARNED AREA UNTIL 5PM PDT THIS EVENING.
&&
-
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN BLACKSBURG HAS ISSUED A
*SALT TRUCK AND SNOW PLOW WARNING FOR...
ALL OF THE BLACKSBURG COUNTY WARNING AREA.....
*FOR ALL OF WINTER.....
IF YOU GET BEHIND A SALT TRUCK DURING A WINTER STORM...YOU WILL BE COVERED IN EITHER SALT OR BRINE AS THEY TRY TO DE-ICE THE ROADS...THE SALT WILL RUST YOUR CAR RATHER QUICKLY...AND YOU WILL BE FORCED TO SPEND TENS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS ON NEW CARS...TRY TO AVOID THESE AT ALL COSTS. IF YOU ARE IN A PARKING LOT NEAR THE EDGE OF A ROAD... AND YOU SEE A SNOWPLOW COMING, TRY TO MOVE AWAY FROM IT AS QUICK AS YOU CAN. IF YOU DON'T...YOU WILL RUN THE RISK OF HAVING YOUR CAR BURIED UNDER A MASSIVE SNOW DRIFT.
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS....
A SALT TRUCK AND SNOW PLOW WARNING MEANS...THAT YOU NEED TO AVOID THESE TWO THINGS DURING WINTER STORMS AT ALL COSTS. IF YOU DON'T...YOU WILL LIKELY NEED TO BUY NEW CARS.
-
In the form of a Hazardous Weather Outlook:
Hazardous Boredom Forecast
National Boredom Service Monroe, MI
345 PM EDT SUN JUN 10 2012
Today and Tonight...
Boredom will persist through the remainder of the day/night. Now is the time to remember that school kept you busy and out of severe boredom...for the most part.
Monday through Sunday...
Occasional bouts of boredom may occur, otherwise no hazardous boredom is expected.
Anti-Depressant Medication Statement...
Anti-Depressant medication may be required this evening. ( :P just kidding.)
-
What if generic camera batteries went nuts?
000
WFUS51 KBOX 181804
GBWBOX
MAC009-017-NHC011-181830-
/O.NEW.KBOX.GB.W.1547.120718T1804Z-120718T1830Z/
BULLETIN - EAS ACTIVATION REQUESTED
GENERIC CAMERA BATTERY WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TAUNTON MA
202 AM EDT TUE JUL 17 2012
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN TAUNTON HAS ISSUED A
* GENERIC CAMERA BATTERY WARNING FOR...
SOUTHEASTERN HILLSBOROUGH COUNTY IN SOUTHERN NEW HAMPSHIRE....
NORTHWESTERN ESSEX COUNTY IN EASTERN MASSACHUSETTS...
NORTHEASTERN MIDDLESEX COUNTY IN SOUTHEASTERN MASSACHUSETTS...
* UNTIL 230 PM EDT WEDNESDAY
* AT 159 AM EDT...SEVERAL REPORTS CAME IN FROM THE MERRIMACK VALLEY THAT GENERIC BATTERIES FOR CAMERAS MADE BY ALL COMPANIES EXCEPT FOR DURACELL AND ENERGIZER WERE HAVING SEVERE ISSUES. ONE PERSONS CAMERA BROKE BECAUSE OF THIS...AND IT BURNED UNTIL IT WAS GONE. LUCKILY... NO DAMAGE OCCURED BEYOND THE DESTROYED CAMERA. THANKFULLY... HIS CAMERA CARD WAS IN THE COMPUTER AT THE TIME. THE MANUFACTURER WILL NOT GIVE HIM A NEW CAMERA. LUCKILY FOR HIM...THE MAYOR OF HIS CITY GAVE HIM MONEY TO BUY A NEW CAMERA OF THE SAME MAKE AND MODEL...AS WELL AS MONEY FOR ACCESSORIES AND GENUINE BATTERIES.
* LOCATIONS IMPACTED INCLUDE...
ANDOVER... NORTH ANDOVER... LAWRENCE... METHUEN... CHELMSFORD... TEWKSBURY... LOWELL... DRACUT... TYNGSBOROUGH... NASHUA... HUDSON...PELHAM...AND MERRIMACK.
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...
DO NOT BUY A GENERIC BATTERY FOR YOUR CAMERA UNLESS IT IS BY DURACELL OR ENERGIZER. ONLY BUY GENUINE BATTERIES...OR THOSE MADE BY DURACELL OR ENERGIZER. FAILURE TO FOLLOW THIS ADVICE MAY RESULT IN DAMAGE TO YOUR CAMERA.
&&
LAT...LON 4249 7087 4246 7089 4247 7092 4246 7094
4243 7093 4242 7090 4242 7091 4242 7094
4246 7094 4242 7099 4243 7102 4251 7096
TIME...MOT...LOC 1759Z 272DEG 23KT 4246 7097
$$
KJC
000
WFUS51 KGYX 181804
GBWGYX
NHC015-181830-
/O.NEW.KGYX.GB.W.1000.120718T1804Z-120718T1830Z/
BULLETIN - EAS ACTIVATION REQUESTED
GENERIC CAMERA BATTERY WARNING
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE GRAY ME
204 AM EDT TUE JUL 17 2012
THE NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE IN GRAY MAINE HAS ISSUED A
* GENERIC CAMERA BATTERY WARNING FOR...
SOUTHWESTERN ROCKINGHAM COUNTY IN SOUTHERN NEW HAMPSHIRE....
* UNTIL 230 PM EDT WEDNESDAY
* AT 200 AM EDT...SEVERAL REPORTS CAME IN FROM THE MERRIMACK VALLEY THAT GENERIC BATTERIES FOR CAMERAS MADE BY ALL COMPANIES EXCEPT FOR DURACELL AND ENERGIZER WERE HAVING SEVERE ISSUES. ONE PERSONS CAMERA BROKE BECAUSE OF THIS...AND IT BURNED UNTIL IT WAS GONE. NO DAMAGE OCCURRED EXCEPT FOR THE DESTROYED CAMERA.
* LOCATIONS IMPACTED INCLUDE...
SALEM...WINDHAM AND PLAISTOW
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...
THIS IS AN EXTREMELY DANGEROUS SITUATION. DO NOT BUY A GENERIC BATTERY FOR YOUR CAMERA. ONLY BUY GENUINE BATTERIES. NEW HAMPSHIRE GOVERNOR JOHN LYNCH HAS DECLARED A STATE OF EMERGENCY FOR THE AFFECTED AREAS.
$$
EKSTER
-
I got an idea from the boredom outlook.....
WFUS51 KRNK 181804
HBORNK
NHC015-181830-
/O.NEW.KRNK.HB.O.1547.120718T1804Z-120718T1830Z/
THIS HAZARDOUS BOREDOM OUTLOOK IS FOR ASHE COUNTY NORTH CAROLINA.....
DAY ONE...... TODAY AND TONIGHT....
BOREDOM WILL START OFF VERY ISOLATED IN NATURE IN THE MORNING...... WITH BOREDOM RAPIDLY INCREASING AND INTENSIFYING THROUGH THE DAY. ONE OR TWO BOUTS OF EXTREME BOREDOM IS POSSIBLE.
DAYS 2-7.... SATURDAY THROUGH THURSDAY.
SATURDAY AND SUNDAY LOOK LIKE ONLY SLIGHT CHANCES OF BOREDOM....... BUT THE SETUP IS LOOKING MORE AND MORE FAVORABLE FOR A WIDESPREAD AND LONG LIVED BOREDOM OUTBREAK STARTING ON MONDAY AND LASTING THROUGH A LARGE PART OF NEXT WEEK. MAJOR BOUTS OF BOREDOM IS INCREASINGLY LIKELY...... AND THE CHANCES OF EXTREME BOREDOM WILL LIKELY INCREASE AS WELL. THERE IS ALSO THE POTENTIAL FOR CRAZINESS...... AND THIS COULD BE MAJOR AS WELL. THINGS TO DO DURING THE DAY WILL NEED TO BE WATCHED CAREFULLY, AS THIS WILL DECIDE IF THE UPCOMING OUTBREAK WILL BE AS SEVERE. MODELS INDICATE THAT ALL THINGS WILL COME TOGETHER STARTING EARLY MONDAY MORNING........ AND WILL LAST ALL WEEK.
[/font]
-
I got an idea from the boredom outlook.....
WFUS51 KRNK 181804
HBORNK
NHC015-181830-
/O.NEW.KRNK.GB.W.1547.120718T1804Z-120718T1830Z/
THIS HAZARDOUS BOREDOM OUTLOOK IS FOR ASHE COUNTY NORTH CAROLINA.....
DAY ONE...... TODAY AND TONIGHT....
BOREDOM WILL START OFF VERY ISOLATED IN NATURE IN THE MORNING...... WITH BOREDOM RAPIDLY INCREASING AND INTENSIFYING THROUGH THE DAY. ONE OR TWO BOUTS OF EXTREME BOREDOM IS POSSIBLE.
DAYS 2-7.... SATURDAY THROUGH THURSDAY.
SATURDAY AND SUNDAY LOOK LIKE ONLY SLIGHT CHANCES OF BOREDOM....... BUT THE SETUP IS LOOKING MORE AND MORE FAVORABLE FOR A WIDESPREAD AND LONG LIVED BOREDOM OUTBREAK STARTING ON MONDAY AND LASTING THROUGH A LARGE PART OF NEXT WEEK. MAJOR BOUTS OF BOREDOM IS INCREASINGLY LIKELY...... AND THE CHANCES OF EXTREME BOREDOM WILL LIKELY INCREASE AS WELL. THERE IS ALSO THE POTENTIAL FOR CRAZINESS...... AND THIS COULD BE MAJOR AS WELL. THINGS TO DO DURING THE DAY WILL NEED TO BE WATCHED CAREFULLY, AS THIS WILL DECIDE IF THE UPCOMING OUTBREAK WILL BE AS SEVERE. MODELS INDICATE THAT ALL THINGS WILL COME TOGETHER STARTING EARLY MONDAY MORNING........ AND WILL LAST ALL WEEK.
[/font]
LOL!! I noticed you copied the coding from my fake battery warning...you only changed the office code and the non-VTEC alert code. I'm fine with that. :P
-
CHILLLAX STATEMENT
NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE TAVORESVILLE, GA
955 PM EDT TUE SEP 18 2012
...THE CHILLLAX WARNING CONTINUES FOR THE FOLLOWING LOCATIONS...
NORTH/CENTRAL GEORGIA...INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO A LINE FROM COLUMBUS ON NORTH TO ATLANTA.
RIGHT NOW...THERE HAVE BEEN MULTIPLE REPORTS OF FOLKS BEING DEBBY DOWNERS ACROSS THE CWA. WE ASK THAT YOU PLEASE DO YOUR PART IN TURNING THOSE FROWNS UPSIDE DOWN BY SHOWING THEM SOME FUN TO DISTRACT THEIR OVERLOADED MINDS.
PRECAUTIONARY/PREPAREDNESS ACTIONS...
SAFETY MESSAGE...IF YOU'RE STRESSED OUT OVER SOMETHING YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER, OR OVER SOMETHING YOU KNOW IS NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL, THEN DUDE CHILL OUT BEFORE YOU GIVE YOURSELF A HEARTATTACK IT'S NOT WORTH IT. GO FOR AN EVENING WALK...LISTEN TO SOME MUSIC...HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS OR YOUR GIRL/GUY...WATCH A COMEDY MOVIE OR TWO. DO WHATEVER YOU NEED TO DO TO STAY CALM AND HAPPY FROM EVERYDAY LIFE.
ADDITIONAL INFORMATION IS AVAILABLE AT HTTP://CHILLWEATHER.GOV (http://HTTP://CHILLWEATHER.GOV) /ALL
LOWER CASE/. ONCE THERE...CLICK ON GEORGIA TO VIEW LOCAL
CHILLLAX INFORMATION.
&&
ALC071-089-095-190945-
/O.EXT.KHUN.FL.W.0013.120920T0000Z-120920T1200Z/
/WDVA1.1.ER.120920T0000Z.120920T0000Z.120920T0600Z.NO/